Caleb

“We don’t lose in this family…” my dad says. “But I didn’t lose, I came in 4th.” I reply.

“We aren’t mediocre in this family.” he clarifies.

But I don’t see anything wrong with mediocre. Doesn’t the world also need mediocre people to exist? If it were up to me I'd always chose 4th place. It means no pressure to be the best. It means I get to swim because I like it. Competition makes me dread practice, dread meets, it even makes me not like my own friends. It makes me not even like myself.

I swim because I feel home in the water. I don’t come in first but I don’t come in last either. I think my dad should just be satisfied with that.

My dad says I can swim faster and I also know I can. But when I swim I’d rather swim to a rhythm. I’d rather my race feel like a dance. So I only try as much as I want to.

I like feeling good enough to not be last, but also invisible of the pressure and spotlight of being 1st.

The water is my sanctuary. The water feels like I get to enter into another world. Where everything feels lighter. In the pool it’s just me and the movement of my body. Nothing else.

The sounds and judgements of the world are muted and it doesn’t matter if I got a C on my test, if I’m wearing the latest sneakers or if my crush noticed me or not. I get to just flow, and glide, and flip and twist. In the water everything is simple.